Sterling messaged me the other day, the first time in over two weeks. I must admit, I was rather surprised he messaged me at all, given why we weren't talking in the first place.
A few Fridays ago, I made plans to hang out with Sterling. It had been a while since our last outing, and months before that, so I was looking forward to seeing him. That Friday rolls around and I'm feeling incredibly down. Rather than go through with my plans, I bail out on him, but in a not so nice way. I was hoping that if I took a nap or at least took it easy for a little bit, I'd feel up to being social and going out. Well, that didn't quite work seeing how it made me even worse. Anyways, Sterling got really pissed off at the fact that I never called him to let him know...rightfully so...
I can understand why he was so upset that night, after I kept him waiting all night for me to call, only to tell him I wasn't up to hanging out. But, I can't really understand why he felt it necessary to give me the silent treatment for over two weeks. Later on that night, I tried calling him to apologize and to talk. As upset as I was after other events of the evening and my ever increasing horrible, I ended up leaving him a voicemail message that consisted of me saying I'm sorry repeatedly, trying to keep my sobbing to a minimum.
I never got a call back from Sterling. Maybe he was too mad at me to worry why I was sobbing my head off on his voicemail. Maybe he thought I felt so bad for bailing out on him, thats why I was crying. Who knows... I was surprised I never got a call from him, even to check up on me or something like that. That night I ended up doing something incredibly stupid and I'm still paying for it now...I wish I would have gotten a chance to talk to him, to get my mind off of things.
Anyways, too late for that... But, theres a reason for saying all of this. Our first conversation after the brief hiatus consisted of the usual small talk and him talking about what a mess things are for him right now. Half an hour later, he finally bothers to ask how I am doing, still saying absolutely nothing about the voicemail. Feeling rather shitty, I made some excuse or another and ended the conversation. Perhaps this is one reason why things between Sterling and I would have never worked out...the chances of him being around when I need him most are slim to none and the chances of him actually being able to put down his problems for two seconds to even calm me down are even less. Oh well.
That doesn't mean he's a bad person, I still enjoy his company very much. I suppose he's one of those superficial friends. Not that he's a superficial person himself, just our friendship is...nothing below the surface. We can rely on the other for a few good laughs, a decent conversation here and there, and thats about it. Who am I to complain? It's better than nothing, isn't it?