Today was my first real day off in over a week. I had planned on taking care of some chores around the apartment that badly need to be attended to. The kitchen is still a mess after last week's french onion soup trial and christmas cookie baking, so that needs to be taken care of. The bathroom floor has a layer of loose (unused I should add) kitty litter that Sophie kicked out of her box, that should probably be taken care of as well. Bathrooms are just gross anyways if you don't clean them at least once a week anyways, it has been a little longer for mine, so at this point I should probably take a fine tooth comb and some heavy disinfectant to it....
Some days, when the list of things you desperately need to do seems to pile up, you just don't feel like doing anything. Sleeping in until after 1pm and wandering around my apartment like a zombie until 6 doesn't get the chores done, does it. Even after Tom showed up, we accomplished nothing. We attempted to discuss the status of our relationship, where things are going, what we want for the future, etc. Things are looking kind of grim for us at the moment. I learned tonight that I can't help Tom. As much as I try to make things better for him, offer him a better life than anyone else has wanted to give him, he'll still find ways to hide things from me, hurt himself, and hurt me.
I've read the things his brothers have said to him. I've heard the things his mother tells him. He's told me all the stories of the things he's had to live with his whole life. I know the stress I put on him to get him to take the steps necessary that will ensure us a happy life together. Its no wonder that he drinks as much as he does, when he does. Its no wonder he wants to feel completely numb to his life. For the past couple of months, I've been trying to talk to him about it, make sure he hasn't been drinking or hiding anything at his parents house like he was for a while. He kept telling me no, that he didn't need to do that. Other than the occasional beer or glass of wine at my apartment or when we were out for dinner, I thought he was sober. But, it turns out he has been lying to me the whole time. He has been hiding it at his parents house and drinking it this whole time. He claims thats why he blew up at me a few weeks ago on the phone, because he was drunk....
Other than asking him about it repeatedly and taking it away from him when I see him with it, I don't know what else I can do. I want to help him, I want to take care of him, but when he lives at this parents house a majority of the week, there isn't much I can do. Everyone in his life has made him so afraid to do anything, because they've always been right there scrutinizing and criticizing every single move he's ever made. Now that he's so numb to do anything, I don't know how we'll ever get to the point where the two of us can have a life together...
I understand that at this point, everyone's main concern is Robert. But can anyone honestly say that keeping Tom and Robert in Tom's parents house is the best solution for everyone? I always saw it as the worst solution....Tom's mom never lets Tom raise his own child, she's always telling him what he needs to do and what he can't do as far as Robert goes. She has pretty much turned Tom into a babysitter named daddy. She makes Tom give in to Faye the moment she throws a fit, whether its good for anyone or not. I wish someone would tell me how this is a good environment for anyone?
I want to give Tom the life that apparently no one else thinks he deserves. They've got him stuck right where he's at, and I can't do anything about it....