A few weeks ago I received an invitation to attend the awards reception for Dan in the math department. He was awarded the math department's highest honor for graduating seniors. When I first found out about this award, I knew he was going to get it when he graduated. There was no doubt about it. With all of his test scores, grad classes as an undergrad, all of his research, conferences, and publications, I couldn't think of another person who had earned that award more than Dan.
Today was the reception and I can honestly say I regret going. Going to this awards reception was one of the most difficult things I've had to do lately. I knew no matter how hard it was going to be for me, I had to go to the reception. And I did go. Well, I missed the actual presentation of the award since I was stuck in traffic almost the entire way up 75. I was pissed at myself for missing that, but that is not why I regret going.
I was specifically invited to go to the reception by Dan. He submitted a list of people he wanted to attend the reception, and that is why I got the letter a few weeks ago. So, since I was invited, I automatically assumed he actually wanted me to be there. I guess I assumed wrong.
I was basically ignored the entire time I was there. When I first got there, I hugged him and said congratulations. I apologized for missing him getting his award. He said it was no big deal, shrugged his shoulders and told me to get something to eat. He then walked away and talked to some other people. At the time I didn't think much of it, but I didn't think he was going to end up ignoring me the rest of the time. After that, he did not say a single word to me. It took all I had not to bust out crying right then and there in the middle of the room. I stayed there the whole time talking to his mom and his teacher and principal from elementary school. It made me realize how much I loved his family and how much I miss them. His mom was always so wonderful...I wish I could have as much energy now as she does being over 50. It broke my heart to hear that she was still introducing me to people as Dan's girlfriend. I wondered why he hadn't said anything to her about it.
Then Mary showed up. I knew she was going to be there, I was surprised she didn't show up sooner. She got there just as people were leaving. She stood by Dan the rest of the time, so I was forced to introduce myself to her as I went to say goodbye to Dan. At that point I knew I had to get out of there...I started to choke up as I was saying goodbye. I was still pissed at the fact that I was stuck up at school for over two hours with nothing else to do because Dan wouldn't go out to eat to celebrate with me. I told him I would take him out to celebrate, but he blew me off because there was something him and Mary might do, but it wasn't for sure.
I ran out of the room, the tears burning my eyes. They were already streaming down my face as I ran out of the building. I barely made it to my car when I burst into uncontrollable sobs. I was just so hurt by Dan, I couldn't believe it. After being his number one supporter all those years, putting his work and his research before anything else, this is what I got out of it. Not that I ever asked or expected to get anything out of it, I was just hoping that he would at least recognize it I guess all of that doesn't matter if we're not together anymore.... only some girl he barely knows matters any more. I guess this is further proof that the Dan and Katie era really is over.
I managed to choke back my sobs for a few minutes and tried calling Dan to talk to him. I was going to try and restrain myself from confronting him about his behavior as best I could, I was only going to ask him a few questions. I ended up getting his voicemail, surprise surprise and ended up leaving a rather pathetic message about how I forgot to tell him how proud my whole family is of him and how they all say congratulations. I had to hang up mid message because I couldn't hold back the tears any more. I called Tom to see if talking to him might help me settle down, but I ended up bothering him right in the middle of dinner, so that didn't quite work. He called me back eventually but I just couldn't stop crying. I feel so horrible having to vent to Tom about all of this, especially since it was about Dan. I know how much I hate it when he so much as mentions her name to me, I can only imagine hearing Dan's name makes him feel slightly uncomfortable.
Dan ended up calling me back after my class got out. We talked for a few, he wanted to know if I was ok, I didn't sound too good in my message. I told him I thought I was ok, I was just upset from how he acted earlier. He said he didn't realize he was being like that...and I thought things were going to be ok, but he didn't bother to talk about it any more. Instead, he decided it was a good idea to ask me 3289734 questions about what I thought about Mary. That hurt. That really hurt....if things are going to be like this between Dan and I now, I don't know if I can be his friend. It hurts too much for things to be like this....
Anyways, as much as I hate saying this, and as much as it hurts me to say this, I just can't help caring about him still and wanting to be his biggest supporter... I'm so proud of you Dan. Congratulations.