I'm not even safe from myself when he's around.
Thankfully, for the past couple of weeks, I'm always so tired by the time I make it to bed, I pass out almost right away. That's a good thing for me...I don't get much of a chance to dwell on things that have been bothering me. That also means that I haven't had a dream, or at least one that I can remember, in quite some time.
I'm ok with not having dreams, really I am. My dreams have never been all that great. I always end up feeling weird...I wake up with my heart racing and my sheets all tied in knots around me and my body in a deep sweat. Sounds great to be me, huh? Now, this isn't to say that I never have a good dream. I have those too. But, for some terrible reason, more often than not I'm stuck having some sort of seizure-inducing nightmare.
I had one tonight. On the verge of a deep sleep on his couch, laying next to him, I had a nightmare of sorts. It wasn't scary like your typical nightmare. But it certainly wasn't dream like. It was all too real and had a horrible effect on me, making me feel rather sickly afterwards.
I felt terrible laying there next to him. He was there next to me sleeping, and there I was thinking these horrible thoughts. What is wrong with me? I'm usually so comfortable around him and now I'm afraid to close my eyes, for fear that these images are going to pop back in my head.
What is wrong with me? Why can't I sleep, like a normal person?