I wish I could have just 15 minutes to talk to her. Just 15 minutes with her so I can finally say all the things I've wished I could say to her. What I have to say might not make any difference to her, but it would make all the difference in the world to me. Maybe I'd feel better about everything then. Maybe instead of fearing what she'd do next, I'd be able to rest easier in the false hopes that what I said to her actually meant something....in the hope of her transformation of psycho to semi-decent person.
If I had 15 minutes with her, I would tell her I am tired of cleaning up after her. I'm always the one who has to hear about her latest psychotic rant. I'm always the one who has to see what happens to him the moment she forgets that she is just as much to blame for everything as he is.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing the pain. I'm tired of spending an entire evening, sometimes even days, a full week even, trying to pull him out of the funks she sends him in. It hurts knowing that she still has such a strong effect on him. But at least I'm there for him, there to help. She never was.
I'm tired of her having such control over both of our lives. I hate the fact that I am in a relationship with so many other people. I want her to leave us alone, get on with her life. It is possible for her to do so, even if they do have a kid together. When is she going to realize this?
It is not always his fault. He is not entirely to blame for all of their problems. It is every bit her fault as it is his, if not more so.
In the beginning, she tried so hard to get him back. Now, she's just trying to ruin things for us. But I couldn't understand why she wanted to be with him still, other than the fact that they have a kid together. They were both completely miserable together. She knew next to nothing about him. He hid things from her so she wouldn't have to deal with his problems. What kind of relationship is that? Where you have to hide yourself? If she really loved him, which I doubt she ever really did, she wouldn't have let him hurt himself like he did all those years. She wouldn't have let him drop down so deep into despair as she did. If she really loved him, she wouldn't have pushed him there herself and left him there to crawl out on his own.
I hate her for everything she has done to him. I hate her for her selfishness.
I just wish she'd realize that everything would be so much better for everyone if she would just understand that neither of them were any good for each other. They hurt more than they helped.
So now its my turn to help him. I wish I could tell her to leave him alone, let me love him...and repair the damage she has done.