It has been five months since my last update.
In that five month time span, I seem to have hit an all time low. Judging by every other journal entry I've ever written in this thing, I didn't think it was possible for anything to get any worse. But, it has...and for some reason it continues to get worse. When one bad thing goes away, two more bad things take its place. Just when I thought something was gone for good, it pops back up at the most inopportune moments, like a debilitating disease coming out of remission.
Of course, while every day feels like I'm sinking even further down, just on the verge of drowning, I have those people telling me theres nothing wrong, that I'm just making things worse for myself. Any time I ask for help, people are there telling me I don't need help. It makes no sense.
For months now I've been trying to write journal entries describing everything I've been through since my last entry. But I just can't seem to do it. I sit down in front of the computer and...nothing. I can't type. I grab a notebook and pen in the hopes that I'll be able to purge some of my bad thoughts from my head. My mind just won't let me. At this point, I figure everything that has been going on in my life has piled up and backed up to the point where I can't get anything to budge.
Unfortunately, when I can't write these things out, they are stuck in my mind, bothering me all the time. Part of the reason why I've been so down all the time is because I have all of these thoughts weighing me down. And they come out at the worst moments too. Right before I'm about to fall asleep, when I'm in the shower, when I wake up in the morning....all of these thoughts bombard me and take everything out of me.
So what am I supposed to do?