You wouldn't be planning a wedding if you didn't have to discuss what kind of ceremony you're going to have and where its going to be held...I'm not quite sure how much sense this entry is going to make, but it has been bothering me so I'll just go ahead and post it anyways.
Tom has been hinting (not so subtly) the past couple of days that his family would appreciate it if we were married in a church. He started out telling me all about this religious debate he had with his mom and what her beliefs were compared to his and all that. Then it was brought up that some where in all of that my beliefs were discussed as well and how if I just tried to see things a little differently, some of their beliefs just might work for me. And then...then it was all laid out on the table for me. Tom finally came out and said that it would mean a lot to his family if we were married in a church... The way Tom brought it up over the course of a couple of days, it had me wondering what kind of pressure his family has him under. I asked if his other brothers were being pressured this much to have their weddings in a church as well....
Before I explain my opinion on the matter, let me get it out there that I do appreciate the fact that it means a lot to Tom's family for Tom to be married in a church. I'm sure after reading what I'm about to say, his family will undoubtedly misconstrue everything, and think that I just want to go against what they want... but thats not true.
I have two arguments against being married in a church: selfish and logical.
Lets start with the selfish and get that out of the way since we all know its coming. One of the things I've heard the most from people who have talked to me about the wedding is that I have to make sure that this wedding is for me and Tom. No one else. Three people at work alone have brought up the fact that Tom and I need to take charge of the whole wedding, and not let anyone else make our decisions for us. Of course, our family members will try to take over, tell us how things really should be, and all of that, but we can't let them do it. So, the idea of being married in a church just doesn't appeal to me. I would much rather get married the same place I'm holding my reception, either in another room or in a garden (weather permitting.)
My other argument has more to do with the Catholic faith and logistics than anything else. I'm assuming that getting married in a church by Tom's familys standards means getting married in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest. This presents a few problems.. .. From what I understand of all of this, the only way a Catholic priest will marry us is if we are active in attending church. In addition to attending church, we'll also have to attend "marriage counseling" before the wedding to make sure we understand the sactity of marriage blah blah blah. First of all, we do not belong to a church. Even if we did find a church, there is no way our managers at work will allow us to change our schedule around just so we can attend church. They don't do it for anyone else, why would they do it for us? So how are we ever going to become established with a church?
I have a few other arguments, but not knowing just how strict Catholics are, I'm not sure how well they'll stand up. I was never baptized, and I've been assuming that this might be a problem for the Catholic church. Like I said, I don't know how accurate this is, but I get the feeling that the church will make me jump through all sorts of hoops just so I can get married in one. Tom hasn't been able to tell me either way, whether this fact might pose a problem, so I'm still sticking to it. Anyways, if for some reason they would require me to be baptized just have a wedding ceremony, I wouldn't do it. I'm not about to start questioning my personal beliefs or even going through all of the motions of doing so, just to make a few people satisfied.
With all of this in mind, I have been maintaining the stance that I do not want to be married in a church. Tom has tried talking me into it, I'm sure just so he can try to keep the most people happy because thats what he always does. Other than wanting to keep his family happy, I don't know why Tom would want to. He rarely goes to church and he has a hard time believing in anything the church has to say. I'm still trying to figure out why this was even brought up in the first place, knowing our views. But still, Tom has had to push it for the past couple of days. I just wonder how much harder people are going to push to get us to have our wedding in a church....