As if I didn't learn last week why I shouldn't see Dan any more, I hope I learned today.
Each time I see him, it gets more and more painful. I don't know why. Each time I see him, I feel like running away screaming and crying and ripping my hair out.
Today certainly wasn't an exception to that.
I had some time to kill between my internship and my final tonight. Dan called me to see if I actually wanted to grab something to eat with him when he was done with his final. I figured what the hell, I needed something to do and I definitely needed to get something to eat, so why not?
Big mistake.
I ended up feeling like complete crap during my final. It took all the self control I could find within myself not to run out of the exam sobbing hysterically. There isn't really one thing in particular that makes me feel like this. Its just him. It probably has something to do with the fact that the entire time we were eating, he sat there and talked about how wonderful his life is now. How exciting it is to have a new girlfriend. And of course he had to sit there and talk about just how wonderful his new girlfriend is.
Dan must have asked me four times what I thought of her. I gave him the same answer each time he asked me....I met her for about two seconds, I can't really form an opinion of her. Judging by the way he was talking about her, he wants me to have a negative opinion of her. He wants to know what horrible things I can think of about her even though I don't know her. He knows I'm capable of these things, because I've done it in the past. But at this point, I really don't care. If she makes him happy, fine.
But he didn't have to rub in the fact that I'm such a miserable, horrible person. That's basically what he was saying by telling me all of this. Who the hell does that to a person who's desperately trying to still be their friend? I guess remaining friends with ex's is more difficult than I originally thought. But yes, I do understand that I can be an incredibly negative person. But am I really such a miserable person that I make other peoples lives miserable as well? I couldn't help but feel like that was what he was trying to tell me. He's so happy he found Mary because she makes him so happy, unlike poor, miserable me.
Whatever.
I'm off to go be my poor, miserable self.