I could barely even wait until I closed the door before I the tears came. They came silently at first, as tears usually do when you're holding your breath. Not wanting anyone to hear me, I held them back as best I could until I reached the confines of my room. It was then that the tears poured from my eyes and the sobs exploded from my chest. I had been holding them in for what seemed forever, and they wanted out.
I was lucky we were standing there in the soft lamp light. It was too dark for him to see anything. It had been too easy for me to hide in a shadow to cover up my watery eyes. He never even noticed. Turning my voice to a whisper, I was able to conceal the lump that firmly planted itself in my throat the moment he asked on the phone, "Can I stop by, for only a few seconds?"
Tonight, I had wanted to catch up on the pile of entries I have sitting around unfinished since it has been so long since my last update. But, as you can tell by this barely coherent entry, that didn't quite happen. I've managed to calm myself down since the initial burst of hysterics, but I still find it rather difficult to keep a clear head, or at least a clear enough head to write half way decent entries. Even while writing this, it has been a trying time, not being able to keep myself from crying. Maybe I'll be able to slow down enough to get some studying in for my exam tomorrow.
Probably not. Too much on my mind.
It has been a while since the last time I ended up crying myself to sleep. I can see that happening tonight. I suppose this night was a long time coming, you know?