I've come to the conclusion that Tom and I will never be able to have a normal relationship. Now, I know 'normal' is relative, but come on...there is absolutely nothing normal about what we have.
Currently, it feels as though i am dating three people. Not that I actually see all three people, I actually only see one, but it certainly feels that way. By this, I mean that anything I want to do in my relationship with Tom has to pass three people before its actually ok.
First, theres Tom. Generally, he's ok with anything, so that isn't really the problem here.
Then theres the kid, which happens to be the biggest problem in the relationship. Bsaically, anything I want to do depends on the kid: whether he has school, whether he's staying at Tom's house, whther his parents can take him upstairs, or whether Tom will be able to obsessively check his cell phone every two seconds between 8 and 8:30 pm.
As if all of that wasn't bad enough, theres Faye. I know I've said before that I'd be curiours about being in a relationship with another girl, but this certainly isn't what I had in mind. She likes to pop up when she's least expected...and, of course, when she's wanted around the least. She'll hang around after work. She'll stop by Tom's house uninvited. She'll call your cell phone and leave pathetic voicemail messages. She'll force herself on Tom, or so the story goes according to Tom. I'm sure there are other things she's done to me to make life difficult, but I'm sure you get the point.
So, let me as kyou this. Who the hell does this to themselves? Who the hell willingly stays in a relationship as ridiculous as this? What's the point? Is this really going to go anywhere? I'm probably wasting my time here, I don't exactly feel like marrying three people...
Why can't I leave?
I'm pretty much having a mental and emotional breakdown today as far as Tom and I go. I don't know why, but everything seems that much more difficult to understand. Most any other day, I can shrug off the fact that there are all these other people in Tom's life preventing me from having the relationship I want to with him.... but today I loath the fact that he has a kid. I don't know why. Why can't I get through this?
When I say I'm having a breakdown, I mean I'm really having a breakdown. All rational thought has stopped inside my head. After he left me at work in a wrteched mood today, I ended up text messaging him telling him I couldn't handle it anymore, it was too hard for me. Still upset from the weekend, and pissed off that it seems like things will never work out for me, I told him I couldn't handle being with him because of the kid and Faye.
He was less than comforting on the phone when he called me after reading the message. I wished I could just run away at that point, never talk to him again. He acted as if I was the most terrible person in the world for having problems with him having a kid. As if none of the other girls he had ever dated never had a problem with it... As if no one else would ever have a problem with being a distant second (or third or fourth, haven't figured that out yet) in his life.
Fuck. I really need to figure all of this out. This really is getting too difficult for me. I wish there was someone I could talk to about all of this. Tom obviously doesn't understand...or doesn't want to anyways. I wish someone could help me through all of this...this horrible situation. What can I do?