Tonight, Tom and I got a chance to go out to dinner. It seems as though this should be nothing new, nothing special, but its been a really long time since we've actually been able to sit and enjoy dinner, and enjoy each others company. We didn't have anywhere to go, anywhere to be in a hurry after dinner. We could just sit there and eat, and talk, and not have to worry about a single thing.
For the most part, things went pretty smoothly. We ate good food, laughed a bit, made fun of each other, and talked about a variety of things. This may seem like no big deal, but times like these have been few and far between for us lately, especially with all the fighting and arguing that has been going on.
There was, however, one part of the conversation I remember clearly, and didn't quite care for. I remember after Tom started talking about it, my stomach turned and I was no longer hungry...I couldn't even think about finishing the food in front of me. I suppose it doesn't take much to stress me out, but what he told me bothered me that much.
Tom doesn't exactly have the greatest record when it comes to fidelity. Neither do I, this I know...but even I haven't taken things quite to the same extent that he has. Anyways, because of this I have always been incredibly worried about how things are going to end up between Tom and I. I have nightmares about it and everything....thats how neurotic I am about it. I've told Tom about my fears and he tries to tell me that that isn't going to happen, but I always get the feeling like he's telling me the same thing he told her...
So, tonight, when he told me about his feelings about Amanda, I almost couldn't handle it. I managed to stay calm and not completely flip out on him for talking to me about it. At least he told me about it....
Theres this girl at work, Amanda, who is incredibly flirty. I haven't liked her since she started at Micro Center because she always seemed so flirty and trashy. I always got annoyed with her because she'd make it a point to be really nice to Tom, always saying hi, bye, all that. Jealous girlfrien, yes...why can't I be? Anyways, he always seemed to be hovering over her at the registers and hanging out with her in his department and all that. Lately, I've been getting really annoyed because I'll be standing there talking to him in between our departments and then she walks over and starts talking to him and he walks away from me. ugh....
Anyways, there is a point... Tonight at dinner, Tom started talking about Amanda. About how flirty she is with him and how he notices it and stuff. I asked him how she was so flirty with him and he mentioned stuff about her giggly attitude around him and the little touches she gives him and stuff like that. I was beginning to wonder why he was telling me this and why he never did anything to stop her from acting like this around him when he started telling me about how he kind of enjoyed it. I wanted to start crying, but I managed to keep listening to him talk about Amanda. Apparently he appreciates the attention she gives him and all that....
I have no idea what I should think about all of this. I can see how he's going to get mad at me if I keep dwelling on all of this, but I can't help it. How is that not supposed to bother me? He knows how much I worry about stuff like that, and then to go ahead and tell me how much he enjoys this one girl flirting with him? How much worse is this relationship going to get? I have a feeling its going to end very badly, with me finding him in bed with someone else....