A few days ago, I wrote an entry about Tom's family wanting us to get married in a church, and my views on the whole thing. I took Erika's advice...
Maybe you should sit down and really ask Tom if HE wants to get married in the church. He might not want to come right out and tell you that's what he wants because he knows how you feel. You guys need to talk about this.
...after writing the entry to see what Tom really thought about the whole thing.
Initially, the way Tom presented the whole thing to me was as if it was his family (particularly his grandparents) that wanted him to seriously consider getting married in the church. It took me a little bit of prodding and poking to get Tom to open up and talk about it, but I probably shouldn't have. The whole thing led to a huge fight that lasted most of the night. Unfortunately, things got pretty bad and a lot of personal attacks were thrown around. I have yet to decide whether the personal attacks Tom likes to throw at me are because he truly means it and he just got mad enough to finally throw it out there, or if he's just saying that kind of stuff because he's so mad. He says its the latter, but I'm starting to get the feeling its the former because its always the same stuff coming up over and over and over again that it has to be something that actually bothers him rather than him grasping at any personal insult he can think of.
To make a long story short, according to him I am a failure as a human being because I was raised with no religious background. He feels that because of his experiences with people, those whose parents raised them with some religious background are just plain better people over all. Since my religious background is nonexistent except for what I chose to research on my own as I grew older, Tom feels that explains the fact that I am a miserable failure of a human being.
My fiance says such wonderful things about me, doesn't he?
Anyways, I never got a straight answer from him as to whether or not he himself would like to be married in a church or have some sort of religious ceremony at all. But, based on some of his arguments, this is the closest I've come to understanding his decision... He apparently would like a religious ceremony of some sort. And thats perfectly fine with me, I wasn't completely opposed to it, so long as it was his choice, not his family's. What kind of ceremony, I haven't a clue. I can't figure out why he got so bent out of shape about the Catholic church thing, especially when he is constantly arguing against Catholic views and all that and makes it seem like he wants absolutely nothing to go with that particular faith.
But, what do I know.
Apparently I know nothing, as Tom pointed out, theres a lot about him I don't know, because he doesn't feel like telling me about it. Great. I'm loving the mess I'm getting myself into. My entire life with this man is going to be one big mystery where I'm constantly trying to read his mind to figure out what he wants without pissing him off because he won't tell me shit. I not quite sure how much more of this I can take, and we're not even married yet. He needs to start telling me whats going on and what he wants....he needs to actually talk to me (theres a novel idea) so we can plan this damn wedding without anymore major blowouts like this....