Since it happens to be a holiday weekend and my mom gets Monday (Presidents day) off, my parents have decided to spend the weekend up north, in Frankfort. I found out Thursday night when I went over to my parents house to tell them that we had a meeting with the guy from 30north. I didn't have anything going on this weekend, so I was looking forward to hanging around the house a little bit, spending time with them. Instead, I watched part of the Olympics on their brand new HD tv (it looks sweet, by the way. I'm so jealous,) finished up some laundry, and ate dinner by myself. Exciting stuff....
Tom did stop by for a little bit on his way home from work, so we took a little time trying out DVDs to see the quality on the tv. Its too bad neither of our vehicles are big enough to fit the tv in, or we might have brought it back to my apartment, thats how much we both like it.
Aside from all that, I had a pretty restless, unsettling weekend by myself. I couldn't help but think about my parents spending time together up noth. They started going up noth a whole lot last year to get away and try to spend time together, hoping it would make things easier between them, given everything that had happened. I can't help but think that they go up there because things still aren't right and they're still trying to escape something down here. But, I should know better than that...as my dad has made it perfectly clear, anything going on between them doesn't concern me, despite the fact that they are my parents and I have spent all the years of my life with them, save one....last year when I had to sort of run away.
Of course, my mind started to wander, as it often does when it goes into those deep, dark corners that I really don't like venturing into, but find myself stuck in a majority of the time. Anyways, I couldn't help but think about my parents spending time together despite the people they are when they're apart. I started thinking about my dad, and what a horrible person he is, with all the secrets and lies. And then a question popped into my head, and it was all over for me.
What if my dad makes my mom do horrible things too?
As soon as that question appeared in my mind, I felt sick to my stomach. I didn't want to think about it any more and I tried so hard to get my mind to shut off, think about something else, anything else.... but I just couldn't do it. My somach ache keeps getting worse despite my best efforts to forget that thought.... Unfortuantely, I don't think I'll ever be able to get that thought out of my head.