As if the argument last night wasn't hard enough on my nerves, Tom and I had to force a few smiles during dinner with his brother and his brother's fiance. Tom had brought the four of us together for dinner to try to smooth out a few things between me and the couple. Despite what I was really thinking throughout dinner, I think I was able to walk away from there without saying anything too stupid all while attempting to appear amicable towards Tom's brother and his fiance, Antonia.
Needless to say, after all the journal entries I've devoted to this topic, I do not get along with Tom's family. This includes his parents, although in recent months Tom's father appears to be slightly more accepting of my presence, as well as his brothers. I always just assumed that Anotnia disliked me as well, given Tom's familys attitude towards me. I also have one other thing going against me when it comes to being friends with Antonia....she's still friends with Faye. I never even attempted to talk to Antonia at any of the family gatherings or even passing, other than the occassional "hi, how's it going?" or "How's the wedding planning going?" I couldn't handle talking to her because I didn't want to give Faye any more ammo against me. I suppose I was a little paranoid in thinking that Antonia would go so far as to spy on me and Tom and report back to Faye....but I wouldn't put it past them.
Anyways, Tom called us all together to try and smooth things out on neutral ground. What better way to discuss your feelings about someone you barely know than over dinner in a public place? The whole thing was incredibly awkward, despite my trying to go in with a semi-positive attitude. When Tom told me about his plan, I some how got it stuck in my head that if Antonia and I hit it off over dinner, then maybe...just maybe the two of us could become close enough friends that I could talk to her about the whole Faye issue. Antonia could be the neutral ground between Faye and I and then maybe all the bullshit around that would stop. Unfortunately, the moment Antonia "acknowledged the elephant in the room" as Tom put it, my hopes of that ever happening quickly vanished...and I was left wondering, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Basically, Antonia explained that she is Faye's friend, and that comes first to her. But, she doesn't want there to be any anxiety between the two of us (me and Antonia) since we're going to have to see each other at family gatherings and our upcoming weddings. I tried explaining to her that I didn't hate her, but I did feel rather nervous around her because she was Faye's friend and I didn't know how she felt about me after everything I'm sure Faye told her over the past few years. Plus, I automatically disliked anyone who felt it necessary to be friends with Faye, simply because of all the stuff she has done to me. I can't understand for the life of me why Tom's brother and his fiance think its ok to be friends with her, even after everything she has done to Tom. Forget all the crap she's done to me...how could Tom's brother just ignore or excuse everything Faye did to Tom? That's one of the things I've always hated about Tom's family....they haven't stood up for Tom once during this whole mess with Faye. Instead of standing behind Tom and his actions, they're still friends with Faye, they're supporting everything she does, they even blame Tom for things, saying "What did you do to piss her off this time?"
What kind of family does that? Apparently his does.... and it makes me sick.
As usual, I've veered off topic, however relevant it seems at the moment. I left dinner feeling let down somehow. Of course, it didn't help that I went into the dinner with high hopes of something great happening. Instead, I left with this ambiguous feeling, a feeling of not knowing what the hell comes next. I honestly don't know what my relationship with Antonia is going to be like. As much as I would love to not have a relationship with her, I have no choice. She will be my sister-in-law, like it or not. I have to come to terms with Tom's family sooner or later, if I am going to attempt to spend the rest of my life with him....