I owe a huge apology to my dear friend Kelli. Kelli has been living up on Mackinac Island for the past couple of months, and we haven't really kept in touch all that well. A few letters and post cards here and there, the best way to keep up with one another has been through our journals. Well, thanks to an entry I wrote some time last week, I scared her.
Kelli, I'm really sorry I scared you. It wasn't my intention to scare you or anyone else by the subject matter discussed in this entry. I know it came as a huge surprise to you that such thoughts crossed my mind that particular day. I must confess, that wasn't the first time and I highly doubt it will be the last. Unfortunately, this is a problem I have dealt with, or have at least attempted to deal with, pretty much all my life. Or for as long as I can remember anyways.
That is not something I readily share with people, even those closest to me for obvious reasons. I'm sorry I have not been able to tell you about these things sooner, or in an easier way for you to understand.
Kelli, you have no idea what I went through when I listened to your voicemail message. My stomach dropped. I was scared, disappointed in my self, happy, everything all at the same time. When you threatened to come home just to see me, I was on the verge of tears. Your concern and caring words mean the world to me in this horrible time I'm going through right now. No one else expressed any sort of feeling, whether it be concern, joy that I would actually consider such things, or even indifference. You were the only one to actually say anything at all to me, Kelli.
And I want to thank you for that. It meant everything to me. Much love to you, Kelli.