So, the entry I wrote the other day about Sterling didn't go over very well. I'm not quite sure what I expected to happen, to tell you the truth. In my defense, if I may defend myself, I didn't know Sterling still read my journal. I thought he was yet another one of those people who read it from time to time when they're bored and have nothing better to do than read my pathetic journal. It seems as though the people who read this thing regularly are the ones who shouldn't be here at all. Anyways, I digress.
So, I've hurt Sterling's feelings by my past entry and that wasn't my intention. I suppose this is what happens when I write about what I feel...someone gets hurt. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but for the first time in over three weeks, Sterling updated his journal as well, with this entry:
2004-11-11 - 3:07 a.m.Got blown off by Katie on a Friday night, went out with the guys instead. Hadn't checked voicemail for ages (like I do), didn't get a chance to chat with her online for a few weeks. When I did finally IM her, ended up selfishly talking about myself for a long while. Found out she was (is?) going through some incredibly rough times and needed someone to talk to. Left her a long voicemail frantically expressing my apologies for not being there for her.
A voicemail doesn't make up for it, I've been a terrible friend as of late.
The truth is, I care more about this girl then she probably realizes.
I miss getting speeding tickets with her in the passenger seat and awkwardly getting lost while driving throughout the metro-detroit area.
I miss reading her diary entries about how great her room smells as a result of the flowers I brought her.
I wish I would have kissed her more often, worried about how she viewed me less, and hadn't tried to impress her by being someone I'm not.
I constantly think about the stories she tells me directly, or the diary entries she writes about her life and her relationships, and wish I could do something other than listen and offer bad advice.
This probably puts me into some sort of "unsafe to hang out with because I have a boyfriend" or "we already tried this, give it up" category, but I straight up miss her.
I honestly didn't know he felt like that. Maybe he doesn't feel like that at all, but wrote that because of whatever guilt he may or may not have felt in response to my entry about him. But now, in response to his response, I feel rather guilty for writing that entry. I won't go back and delete it, because at one point in time that is exactly what I felt...
I'm sorry, Sterling.