While I was at work this evening, Tom moved Robert into our house. By the time I got home after my very long, annoying closing shift at work, Robert was already asleep in what used to be my bed in his very own room in our new house. Apparently, the two of them spent the evening packing up a few things from Tom's parents house and bringing them back over here.
Despite the fact that early on, I mentioned to Tom that it might be a good idea for Robert and I to decorate his room together, without Tom....Tom went ahead and decorated the room without me. I made the suggestion, thinking that it might be something Robert and I could do together, that might make him feel a little better about living with me. One of the first things Tom brought over from his parents house were Robert's wall scrolls. The two of them took the time to hang them, while I was working.
I've been really fed up with the whole Robert thing lately. I truly am to the point where I don't want to be around him and I certainly don't want him here. I'm not allowed in his life, so why do I want to live my life around him and make it possible for him to have a decent life without me ever being able to be a part of it. I suppose I'm being rather petty about the whole situation, but after two and a half years of this bullshit, I'm still not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. Tom keeps telling me its because he cares about Robert and wants to make sure he's ok with everything thats going on. I can't really understand how that works, considering the fact that we are now living in a house together, yet the kid won't even say hello to me.
The whole situation is so depressing, it makes me want to cry. All the time. Tom never wants to talk about it, because its never anything he wants to deal with. All he wants to do is just wait and see what happens....he always believes that things will work themselves out... on their own. A situation like this just doesn't work itself out without people getting their feelings hurt. But, as usual, my feelings are always the last to be considered with all of this. Tom always thinks the only reason I want to go to Robert's soccer games or vocal concerts at school or his first communion is because I want to stir things up with Faye. Why the hell would I want to do that? For the most part, she's left me alone, and thats the way I want to keep it. But he doesn't understand that. He doesn't understand that I might genuinely want to go to these things to support Robert. Maybe I want to go to support Tom. He is his son after all. And maybe I've always wanted to go because its something that I can do to show Robert that I'm here, without really having to interact with him for him to feel all upset about later on with his mom.
The whole situation is screwed up. It always has been...I guess I just thought things would change, for the better, with the wedding and the new house and all of that. But I guess Tom never meant anything he said to me about committment and making things work....