"I wish I would have never met you," he said to me one night.
Over the phone, he threw his sentence at me like it didn't even matter. Like it wouldn't matter. But it did.
I can't stop thinking about that sentence. While he claims he didn't mean it the way I took it to mean, I can't help but think that he really did mean it like he said it. He tried to explain it to me, but even after the explanation, I'm still not so sure I understand.
Apparently I broke the mold.
Killed the norm.
Defied the stereotypes.
He wasn't ready, he said, for someone like me to come along and stir things up. Wait...he wasn't ready for me to come along. There is no one else like me. What wasn't he ready for?
What was he waiting for?
What was he expecting that I ruined?
I still can't help but think he may truly mean "I wish I would have never met you."
Like all those who have come before him, he must see something that isn't there. Something that isn't really me.
I scare him.
What is it that he is telling himself he sees in order to keep his mind off of that itching feeling in the back of his head...that voice telling him something isn't right,
you better run...
What made him retract his statement? What does he see that allows him to hide his fear, cover up my flaws, ignore that voice?
How many more times is he going to feel like telling me
"I wish I would have never met you."