I ended up going to the casino tonight with my mom because I had nothing else to do. I sat around most of the afternoon after work doing absolutely nothing...and I started getting that antsy feeling like I just had to do something. So I talked my mom into going...as if that was all that difficult. All you have to do is start singing some little song her favorite slot machine plays and she starts laughing and asks, "When are we going?"
Even though I don't really have the money to be blowing $100 in one night...I'm glad I went. It got my mind off of certain things (for a few brief hours) and I had a ton of fun. Hanging out with my mom (on a Saturday evening) was pretty cool...a lot more fun than most kids will give their parents credit for. Lately I've been learning to appreciate my mom a lot more. I don't really know why, but I feel like I'm a bit closer to her than I have been in the past. Now I can actually talk to her about things. Ok, not all things...not even most things. But we do have some really good conversations. And that makes me happy.
Talking with her on the car ride home made me wish I had a friend like her. I know she's a friend in a sense...but its not the same. She's my mom. There are things your mom should know about you, and then there are things your mom should just never ever find out. Unfortunately, I tend to have about 230894723894 things I would never feel comfortable sharing with my mom over a milkshake...like we did last night. I swear it was the coolest feeling ever to be able to sit there and laugh with my mom about things.
The thing that really did it for me was the fact that my mom actually said she had noticed a change in me. I mean...I've been living my whole life listening to stories about what a horrible person I was/still am and here she is, telling me that she's noticed I'm a lot more confident about myself than I ever was. Her saying that really surprised the hell out of me. She told me she wished it hadn't taken me so long to get to where I am today...and that Steph seems to be having problems with that sort of thing as well.
Its taken her how long to notice that things were right with the two of us....but I'm happy, at least now I know she noticed.
But, it makes you wonder, doesn't it? Both Steph and I have had the same problems when it comes to friends...and even people in general. If thats the case, wouldn't you think something, somewhere screwed us up to the point where we couldn't fix it or get out of it until it was almost too late?