"Here, someone wants to say something to you...hold on."
"Tag!"
Click.
I must have listened to that voicemail message five times already in the past two days. I don't usually save too many messages to listen to over and over again, but right now I have two that put a huge smile on my face every time I listen to them.
Robert and I have a habit of playing tag when the three of us hang out. He thinks its hilarious to tag Tom or I, stand very close to us hoping that we'll try to tag him back, and then run away giggling as soon as we reach our arm out. Sometimes he tries to get tagged on purpose, so he can keep the game going and have a reason to smack one of us. Tom seems to get tired of this game rather quickly while Robert on the other hand would play this all day if Tom didn't give us that "Stop now or I'll strangle you both" look.
The three of us spent the day out in Ann Arbor yesterday and even though we were together for the majority of the afternoon, we never got a chance to play tag. I think it was in part because of all the streets we had to cross so he was always too busy holding someones hand and also because he wanted to pretend he was riding a horse rather than play tag. He now has this thing where he'll stand behind you yelling "Horsey! Horsey!" and tugging on your shirt, hoping you'll bend down and let him hop on your back. Tom usually opts out of this to watch me run around like crazy with Robert on my back, kicking my sides, yelling "faster!"
Spending the afternoon with them reminded me why I asked Tom to let me hang out with him and Robert. Tom is a completely different person with Robert than he is with me. I wanted to see that side of Tom, because I knew that was the most important part of Tom. I know how much Robert means to Tom, how much he loves him, and I want to see that. When I see the two of them together, I can't help but think how stupid all these other people in his life are. They're constantly telling him what a horrible father he is, how he shouldn't even have Robert. They're always telling him what to do when it comes to the kid, even though he's not their kid, he belongs to Tom. When I see the two of them together, I know these people are full of shit because I see how much Tom loves Robert, and thats all that should matter.
I don't know if it was the right thing to say or not, but I told Tom how much the trip to Ann Arbor meant to me. It was wonderful being with the two of them for the day, the three of us just goofing off. I told Tom that spending time with them, and knowing how much he means to Tom makes me want to get to know Robert and love him as well. I don't mean love him as if he were my own, that is something I could never do for many obviously complicated reasons, but love him because he deserves to be loved and because he is a part of Tom, who happens to be someone I love and care for very deeply.
I can't expect anyone to understand this, especially those who have known me for quite some time. I'm not sure I fully understand it either, its just something that happened. I guess this is proof that you will turn your world upside down and set aside everything you used to stand for, for the love of a person.